Maybe Tomorrow

The sun will come out tomorrow
So you got to hang on ‘til tomorrow
Come what may
Tomorrow, tomorrow
I love ya, tomorrow
You’re only a day away…

Does this sound familiar? Martin Charnin penned these lyrics in 1977 for the musical Annie and many young ladies in stage productions everywhere have sung them. This tune speaks of her expectation of being reunited with her parents and brighter days ahead.

When you battle infertility, it’s hard to believe that brighter days are ever going to come. Tomorrows are filled with nothing more than doctors’ appointments and rounds of medicine to start and/or change. They bring anniversaries of miscarriages and failed transfers, negative pregnancy tests, and monthly periods. Even as your body ovulates and menstruates, as it was created to, you can find yourself resentful of the natural functions of your own reproductive system!

My 40^th birthday was extremely challenging for this very reason. I wanted to celebrate the beginning of another decade and really enjoy it. Instead, it was overshadowed by the thought of what I imagined my family would look like by the time I reached this milestone. I was 31 years old when I married Rodney and I had established a relationship with the four children he gave me. But, I really thought that by this age some sweet little person would be telling me, ‘Happy Birthday Mommy!’

I recall how I could not disguise my disappointment and I felt overlooked. Tears flowed down my face as I took my morning shower and attempted to hide my hurt. I didn’t make it out of the bathroom before Rodney discovered me and my true feelings. He tried his best to console me saying, “We’re gonna come out of this and you’re gonna become a Mom.” He didn’t say it but I knew what came next. You’ll become a Mom someday, soon, tomorrow. The thought of tomorrow can hurt you to the core when you compare it to your yesterdays. There is nothing to sing about if all I have to look forward to is more of the same sorrow that I’ve already experienced.

In this hopeless place, I came to realize that I was making a choice about my tomorrows. I repeatedly overlooked the possibilities and replaced them with my past letdowns. I can’t deny the challenges that I’ve faced month after month but it does not have to limit what can happen in the months to come. I have to remind myself everyday what God’s Word says about this.  Everything is possible for one who believes. Mark 9:23 

We must believe! We have to push past what we see and don’t see and believe beyond our natural circumstances. A local pastor says it this way; you have to see it before you see it or you never will see it. I’ve learned to feed my expectation with the nourishment that will make it grow. The Secret by Rhonda Byrne and Wishes Fulfilled by Dr. Wayne Dyer are two examples of books that explain similar principles.

I listen to audiobooks, I redirect my thoughts, I speak to my emotions, and I pray for the family I desire. I choose to believe in God, His Word, and what it says about me, and my circumstances. I’m doing my best to build up my tomorrows with positive expectations and resisting the urge to dwell on past fearful experiences. In light of that, tomorrow doesn’t look too bad. As a matter of fact, it starts to look pretty good. Who knows? I may even sing.

Hope-Filled Thought:  For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

Prayer: Thank you Lord that I can face the unknowns in my life with confidence that comes from you. I boldly confess that today is not the end of my story and that the uncertainly of tomorrow offers endless possibilities. It is so. Amen.