Infertility has been a part of my story since before I got married. As I reflect on it, it introduced itself on the second real date I had with my husband, Rodney. It was only a quick ‘Hello’, but it was there. Rodney shared that after the birth of his fourth child, he had a vasectomy. He truly thought he was in his forever relationship and if it ended he would remain single. However, things changed.
I had no idea that saying yes to Rodney was saying yes to infertility. You would think that it would have been so obvious. That I would have even given serious consideration to discern if this would even work. But honestly, I did not. I figured the remedy would come as quickly as the introduction of the problem. I didn’t have the experience to know any better or seek the counsel of those who did.
Most days, I am glad that even after all this time of struggling to grow our family that I didn’t pass up on him. I would have been forfeiting this life I now enjoy. But, there are other days that I regret that this is my reality. Can I be honest? There has been days that I flat out despise it.
Marriage is beautiful but it is really hard. Infertility in many ways is harder. These two together create the foundation for growth or famine and we have experienced both. We decided that our partnership had the stuff that unions are made of. It was not based on the potential ease of growing our family. It was based on our character and compatible personalities.
We were not wrong. But, when the storm of infertility started to blow in our lives, it was easy to forget that we are a team and that we can handle this together. As a stepparent, I felt I was having a solo experience. It was hard to watch him parent in a way that I couldn’t. Infertility only intensified that pain.
I looked to our faith to unite us and quickly realized that shared beliefs don’t make for a shared relationship with God. While we can encourage others, each of us is responsible for curating a personal relationship with Him for ourselves. I was progressing in Christ but I was also expecting Rodney to somehow fast track my progress and my results. It just doesn’t work like that.
Our marriage really struggled to stay on course as we explored options to grow our family. IVF was not on my radar and I felt betrayed. It was never a part of the plan. Rodney said that he would have a vasectomy reversal and that was supposed to work! I would ponder and think back to the time I must have inadvertently agreed to this. But, I couldn’t recall ever doing that. You know just like I do that I didn’t.
Infertility does not care! My introduction suggested that it was a minor setback and that it would play nice. But in reality, it barged into our lives and tried to take over. It pushed us and stretched us and turned over tables like a real housewife!
Thank God for it! Infertility was the opponent that taught me how to fight. I’ve learned how to appreciate each day and to be grateful for each moment. I’ve learned how to fortify my spiritual growth and what an intimate relationship looks like with my Savior, Jesus Christ. I’ve learned how to communicate with my best friend and how to navigate a whole luggage set of emotions.
Infertility is teaching me how the two become one flesh. But God made them male and female from the beginning of creation. This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife and the two are united into one. Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together. Mark 10:6-8 NLT I did not welcome infertility or the lessons its taught but I love what has been birthed from it.
I am hoping that while you navigate this journey that you reap the same benefits. I am lifting up every broken heart that cannot see it’s way through the tears. I am sending the water of life into those dry places. I am interceding for marriages everywhere. The enemy would like nothing more than to steal and kill our families before they even begin. But, Jesus Christ promises an abundant life. He offers it to all of His children. It’s a proposal that we can assuredly accept over and over again.
HOPE-Filled Thought: The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life. John 10:10 NLT
Prayer: Thank you Lord for the strength and courage to grow. You created marriage and family and we commit them both to you now. Bless and multiply us for your glory and for our good. We receive it with joy, and it is so. Amen.
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